Early Christmas Gift

After a Christmas gift hint that went from my girlfriend, Danielle, to my mother, and then to my grandmother— I've been given an early gift for Christmas.
I have been meaning to start fooling around with a guitar for when I'm feeling a little musically bored and can't go and slam on my drums.
I didn't just receive any guitar— I was given my late grandfather's 6-string acoustic that I would always play when I went to visit him and even now after he has passed.
Memories of seeing him right across the room where I would pick up the guitar and talk with him are now mine to keep on a more physically tangible level. He would always love to play this guitar for his children and grandchildren and even the kids who attended my grandparent's daycare.

Early in my music career, my grandfather was always supportive and helpful to me and my dreams. He would joke about gimmick bands that I should start including an idea dubbed "The Flaming Defecators" where we would be clad in crimson red underpants for easy accessibility to light our fecal matter on fire for extra stage presence.

And in honor of my friend and grandfather, I will do my best to learn "In Heaven There Is No Beer", even though I hope the song is less than factual.

Thanks for the guitar Poppy,
Brad

Beer Myths: "Dude, this beer is skunked!"

By: Brad Beneski, Penn State University

It’s happened to everybody at one point or another. Good times are being had by all and like a gunshot, the anticipated first sip of a beer brings even the happy-go-luckiest of beer drinkers to their knees as they exclaim a seven-letter word that is worth a four-letter word in its own right: “Skunked!”

However, the proclamation is currently in an abusive relationship with those who don’t know any better. For instance, did you know that cans of beer cannot ever possibly become skunked? Also, did you know that beer going from chilled to warm to chilled also has nothing to do with skunked beer? That is more a matter of oxidation that can also lend unpleasant flavors. For example, beer left in the trunk of a car in the blistering sun of a record-setting July day is certainly a great way to add wet cardboard flavors caused by oxidation. However, that is certainly not how beer becomes skunked.

Firstly, I feel it imperative to explain exactly why the condition of perished beer is called skunked beer. Skunked beer is scientifically known as light-struck beer. Hops, one of beer’s four main ingredients, is a flower that contains a molecule called “isohumulones”. These molecules, when broken down, are susceptible to merge with sulfur components in the beer to help accentuate that smells that reminds you of a skunk’s spray. In fact, the makeup of this final result is pretty similar to the exact liquid that comes out of the skunk’s ass. Cheers!

What does this mean to you? Like mentioned above, canned beer, due to it being impenetrable by ultraviolet rays cannot become light-stuck. Also, the color of the bottle isn’t only something that makes you look mature and sexy to girls. In fact, green and clear glass protects your beer just as well as it would protect your eyes; not at all. Brown bottles protect your beer the best out of all colors. But that doesn’t mean that brown bottles are invincible. You still need to protect your beer from the light. Depending on the velocity of the light, bottles of beer can become damaged in as little as a under a minute.

To protect yourself from such instances of skunkification, a term that I propose to have admitted into Merriam-Webster, here are two practices that you should make second nature:

1. Avoid buying beer that is on display in the sun’s reach.
It would be a good idea to pass up on beer cases that expose the bottles to the ultra-violet rays that will destroy it. Also, brightly lit coolers are culprits in skunking beer; reach into the back and be cautious of this.

2. Don’t drink Heineken or Corona.
Firstly, because the careless packaging into lightly-colored bottles is actually detrimental to the beer’s safety. Secondly, because they blow.

Kill O'Reilly: Best Rap Song Ever (Video's Not Too Shabby, Either)

Welcome To The World Of Craft Beer!

By: Brad Beneski, Penn State University

Admission: an open-mind. Okay, and maybe a couple extra bucks.

According to recent studies that I have completely fabricated to have the appearance of an expert analysis,100 fake people were asked what they thought of when they heard the phrase “college student," and 84 replied “cheap beer”.

Those condescending, make-believe bastards!

The truth is that college students are at least one of the following (usually both): broke and looking to get drunk. Naturally—no pun intended— this would lead the poor saps purchasing and consuming the usually suspects in bulk; Natural Light, Keystone Light, Milwaukee’s Best— most of which bear very fun nicknames and the option of an Ice version.

And you know what, who can blame you? A lot of the time, you’re buying beer for a party (i.e. Other people are drinking the booze anyhow). But what I suggest isn’t to go and buy the good brew for ragers, keggers or whatever the hell they’re being called in your time zone. I’m calling for a change in your beverage for those little urges that you refuse to call alcoholism. You know, you’re bored in your apartment and nothing’s going on. Wouldn’t it be great to have a couple of worthwhile, craft brews to savor and enjoy? Well, here are a few easy steps toward becoming what I would like to refer to as “Beer Conscious”.


Step One:
Try everything you can get your hands on.

There are hundreds of what the Beer Conscious know as Beer Styles out there. Trying out different breweries’ takes on different styles will allow you to figure out what you have a taste for. The best advice that I can give you in this aspect would be to not blow off a style of beer after only having it once or twice. You may hate Green Flash’s West Coast IPA [India Pale Ale] and love Dogfish Head’ 60 Minute IPA. Moreover, you may hate them both upon tasting them, but then grow to appreciate them and eventually the style itself after gaining an understanding of what the brewer was going for when they created the recipe.


Step Two:
After you get a grip on styles and breweries you enjoy, embrace them.

There’s nothing like knowing what you want when you belly up to one of America’s finer beer bars. The selection at some places is massive and can be intimating at times. If you know that you like Stouts or Belgian-styles, either scope out the menu for such a beverage or request that the bartender pick something for you with your preference in mind. For instance, if you’ve been rather enjoying bitter beers like IPAs or Barleywines, tell the bartender that you would like for him or her to pick out a good bitter beer for you. This will often times result in you getting what you want, not to mention forge a trust with the bartender who will take you under their wing in the world of beer, exposing you to new styles and better yet…free samples.

Step Three:
Know when and where to draw the line between craft beer and swilling.

A very complicated aspect of drinking better beer is the culture of which you automatically become a part. The Beer Conscious tend to frown upon those who indulge in the better beers in life simply to catch a buzz; however, some craft beers are like loud-mouthed, obnoxious, role-playing hookers: making you feel so good and letting you abuse them for some extra cash. They are quite efficient in alcohol content and oh-so tasty. So, becoming overly inebriated can happen unbeknownst to you— and this is fine. My whole theory is that when I can’t feel girl’s slapping my face anymore, I know its time for me to go to another bar more appreciative of my candor and likelihood to display my latest meal. From here on out, I’ll maintain my man muscles with a couple two-three pints of PBR or some Jack & Cokes. This way, I am able to appreciate craft brewing for a good while and then pack up the trouble I’m sure to cause and take it somewhere else. After all, most of your better beer bars are hardly ideal to find a good one-night stand— take that to the dives.


Step Four:
Promote your discoveries to your friends and family.

After you drop your proverbial testicles in the craft beer scene, it’s time you find yourself a protégé or two. I would say that my favorite thing about craft beer is being able to enjoy it with others and educate them just as you had been introduced in the past. It is important not to be what is known as a Beer Snob. These individuals stick their noses up and attempt to humiliate those who are less inclined in craft beer. Snobs can be demeaning to both those who are completely ignorant to craft and admitted novices alike; which is anything but helpful to the beer world at whole. My best advice would be to explain to others the same reasons that hooked you into craft beer and offer samples and experiences with them. A good way to introduce a friend would be a local beer festival or tasting— this will help them develop an understanding of styles that they like. Hey! That’s what you did, too!

I hope this helped you in any beer-related endeavors that you have submitted curiosity toward. And remember, one of the most important things to remember in the craft beer world is to patronize your local better beer producers and establishments!

Have a beer question? Brad can absolutely answer it.
Email questions, comments, etc. to Brad at Bmb238@psu.edu

*Originally ran in Boosh Magazine [and at www.BooshMagazine.com]

Pull The Pin - Orchestrated Symphony [Live]

Check out my new band's sick ass, live video:



And before the questions begin— yes, I'm still in Melded.

Gym Class Heroes - The Quilt

The best thing to come out of upstate New York since Southern Tier Brewing Company has released their third full-length from Decaydance/Fueled By Ramen and I have to admit that I'm torn.

I think that this release epitomizes the old adage: just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

Sure, they've seen success and fame. They now have more than 4 days to track a record and show off impressive collaborations. They finally have the wherewithal and money to completely abandon the charm and songwriting that captured their fan base from the beginning. But why?

There are so many other formulaic hip-hop production teams out there pumping out number one songs with lackluster sentiments and materialistic content that have given so many people enough reason to stay away from such bullshit music.

Finally, a group of people found something that gave them a little hope in an abused style of music called Gym Class Heroes. Reminiscent of The Roots, they offered a different demographic and generation of kids whose appreciation for music didn't satisfy a scene or magazine something real and valid in the world of Hip-Hop.

However, that was until the moment that they wrote a song called "Cookie Jar".

***** 5 Minutes passes between typing due to an extensive and discerning daze of disappointment

Anyways, I feel now like I'm being to hard on "The Quilt". While "Cookie Jar" is an offensive degradation to the bands flawless arsenal of songs, that doesn't translate to the entity of the album.

Most of the songs on this album are actually at least par. Sure, they've grown up and tried to advance themselves as a band but for the most part, hardcore GCH fans will be happy with most of this album.

However, "Cookie Jar" belongs on "NOW! That's What I Call Music: 47".

Let's get to the good news: "Peace Sign/Index Down", "Don't Tell Me It's Over", "Catch Me If You Can", "Blinded By The Sun", "Like Father, Like Son", and "Drnk Txt Rmeo" are completely ABOVE average songs that make me feel like this LP should have been an EP.

Unfortunaltely, I have to give GCH's The Quilt a less-than-impressive 6.5 that will fail to reflect their more deserving songs that are tainted by songs like "Kissin' Ears" and... ugggghhhh.... "Cookie Jar".

And as unfortunate as is that Decaydance decided to release the latter of worst song picks as a single, they also made a video for one of my best song picks, "Peace Sign/Index Down"— and, oh yeah, Busta Rhymes is in it!

"Mystery Team" by Derrick Comedy

I would like to put the word out about a new, independently-made comedy by the people who have been making the Internet's funniest skits for the last couple of years— Derrick
Comedy.

They have taken hiatus from their usual production of shorts to focus their efforts toward full-length movie called, "Mystery Team".

The feature surrounds a group of three high school seniors who had shared success as kid detectives at the age of 7 and are in search of renewing the reputation of crime-solving citizens.

A trailer is circulating the world wide web and I can't recommend any other way to spend two minutes online than checking it out at the movie's official website: www.mysteryteam-movie.com



The film is still in post-production, I believe, and will be shopped around to be released. So, it may be a while before you actually see the film in its entirety.

If you're unfamiliar with Derrick Comedy, "treat yourself" to some of their videos that will be offered at the end of the trailer.